A Lot Like Love….

I grew up in a country where ” conventional love”s are not what we read on books ! If we are talking about Girl meets the Boy and falls in love , eventually gets married to him and lives happily there after – then YES with a twist!

In India ,where I grew up , families arrange marriage for their daughters and sons. They search for suitable bride/groom from their own caste,race,family background,horoscope matching , or by seeing skin color of the bride ,the singing, dancing, cooking ability of the bride. And that’s how almost every story is conventional, pretty conventional – People fall in love after marriage !..

Sometimes, there’s no time to know love..! Some other people ( mostly in-laws and elders in the family) decide an auspicious date for the couple to conceive baby . Once the couple have a baby- the strong family system there do not allow any individual decision on Love – Once you’re in a marriage, you have to fall in love, there’s no escape!  Sometimes , two people just co-exist and call it a marriage ! Divorces in this kind of cases are rare because mostly the girls have no power , job and status .

I always wondered how people stay in love where staying in love is not a choice and where marriage is not a choice. In modern cities in India,its sometimes a debt a girl /boy pays back to the parents who support their education financially. I know many of my friends who did Masters and doctorate with their father’s money. It’s unconventional in the modern world where children are independent mostly while doing under-grad. I also don’t understand how a person selects his life partner just based on how much money ( dowry) the girl’s family will give him , or how a piece of paper called “horoscope” will make them a perfect couple!

My parents are happily married for 33 years and my grand parents just celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary. They are successful examples of happy arranged marriages.

Copied from Google Image
Copied from Google Image

But I broke the traditional path and married the man I loved. I could not think of an arranged marriage ever! My husband was first my friend, then best friend, then we fell in love , then decided to get married! – unconventional in my country and my  little world! In an ideal world though that’s how a normal love story is born !But , not in my country!Still!

I ,though, wish that things change soon , two people breathe in love( only when they wish to!)….while searching the meaning of love by themselves ( without society pressure)..together..happily..forever!


To read other entries about unconventional love , click on  http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/05/14/daily-prompt-unconventional-love/

An afterword : [Even though women empowerment is at its best now, in India. Dowry system is still there in the country. I have seen my women colleagues saving hard earned salaries for their dowry! I have many highly educated friends who talk proudly supporting dowry , caste system , gender issues (for example, female foeticidesati etc ) and many other dogmas still existing in a modern educated India. Divorces happen and women liberation ,empowerment etc are blamed . In our society in India, for every rape , every divorce, ever fight a couple have – girls are judged , at first!]

Author: Archita

Musings about life and photography.

10 thoughts on “A Lot Like Love….”

  1. Really, even I do not understand . At some parts , it’s criticized so much . Thank you for reading and the comment. 🙂
    And my best wishes for your life. 🙂 Very glad to know 🙂

  2. Glad to Know you married the Person you Loved…and I am happy really happy that you broke the traditional path..I don’t understand why people oppose Love marriages so much in India..My Parents also did love marriage and I have seen the always happy…Even I am also in the same path and I am lucky that my Parents understands me… 🙂

  3. Beautiful post Archita. Nothing more beautiful than marrying your best friend. I think, friendship as a base in every relationship keeps it going beautifully. Wish you both a wonderful, happy and peaceful life.

  4. Thank you for reading and your comment. Yes, in our country,India, that’s how mostly marriages are done- arranged by family based on things that I mentioned in my blog. That’s the conventional marriage there.
    I am married to my best friend for almost 5 years now ( plus the best friendship period of many years) – Our wedding was unconventional and modern at a time when the women in my country started working and started becoming empowered. Things were different earlier, now , its changing though. In our country, even dowry system, female foeticide are there. Divorces are not that optional even in extremely bad marriages. I just hope things change and people have strong marriages based on love..not by any pressure.
    There is nothing more beautiful than marrying the best friend and keeping the friendship wrapped forever..:)

    By the way, I have checked your blog many times. You write so wonderful things and I come to know many beautiful things about California too from your blog.

  5. Wow! A very interesting story about love coming after marriage. I discovered in my search for a wife that I was looking for someone who could be my best friend first. To this day my wife is still my best friend even thought there have been ups and downs during the last 27+ years. My only advice is to make divorce not an option. This will help both of you to think about what it will take to keep your marriage intact. A good book to help keep your marriage strong is The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. I hope all the best to both of you.

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